Herinza Syadza

I haven't written quiet awhile about my bipolar journey - I think my depression really gets me drowned into a dark pit. I have been in low moods, low appettite, constant anxiety for a month and more now - reason why I stopped blooging my experience. To a lot of people, opening up about mental health condition isn't an easy thing, especially to people that you love, solely because you don't want to burden them with your "small" issues. I always think that my problem is small, crying, whining, frustration, blankness as something that I shouldn't talk with anyone, just because other people had it worst than me, but they managed it well. But I came across one article the other day telling me - everyone have their own limit and capacity of managing stress. Yours is smaller, but that's okay. You will thrive and get through it by time. Time will heal, of course. So I went for my last appointment with my psychiatrist today - and I got prescribed with ...

Hey! Previously I talk about my ups (overly excited and joyful, bright side of me) but we haven't got into what monster I can be during my downs (depressive, dull and empty episodes). Source: About Bipolar Depression Bipolar depression has the same “low” symptoms as depression: Prolonged sadness, depressed mood, or unexplained crying spells No interest in activities you once enjoyed Loss of energy Difficulties with sleep—either sleeping too much or not at all Changes in appetite—significant weight gain or weight loss Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions Thoughts of death or suicide In my lows, I had to spend more time, which usually last around one or two weeks. I sleep a lot and those are the thing that affect me the most.  Suicidal thoughts? Most of the time. It's the emptiness of the feeling that kills me slowly. I don't want to feel empty and sad and misery, and most of the time I lay in bed blinking and hoping I will feel ...

As I stare emptily to the ceiling above me as my feeling won't set free and stay still I'll be Why does this black hole come again Bring all together the pain as I cried in the rain just to keep myself sane I can't possibly be crazy when I have never be But why won't this feelings let me go They stuck to me like piece of Lego On depressed days - I write things like this to remind my manic phase that it will come again to me, slowly like a creepy stalker. It will never go, but I shall thrive and survive again from this "black hole".

This could be the most relatable comics about my blogpost today! Diagnosed with bipolar disorder had made me learn about my body and my mood and how I react a lot. I realised that my racing thoughts, sleepless night are something and not just part of the things I had to face at school and and at work. Having it means - having hypomania: happy, euphoric, with a sense of wellbeing lots of energy sociable racing thoughts creative and full of ideas and plans like you can perform tasks better and more quickly than normal impatient, irritable or angry confident, with high self-esteem attractive, flirtatious and/or with more sexual desire restless, on edge and having difficulty relaxing heightened senses – colours may seem brighter, sounds louder and things more beautiful How I reacted during hypomania: more active than usual taking risks very friendly very talkative or writing a lot sleeping very little signing up for and taking part in lots of activitie...

Empty is like a ceiling without chandelier Room full of liar and coated with sugar This feeling that has been vibing emotion raging pulse racing but mind-blowing I can't put things into words For better or for worse And nothing that I can buzz For smoking or fuss

Hey everyone! I had make it a habit to update about my bipolar experience for my own pleasure, also for people to start knowing more about bipolar disorder. This is an important quote that I hold strong. It is important to destigmatise bipolar disorder. We often expect people with bipolar disorder to throw tanthrum all the time, upset and sad, but chatty and talk a lot during their manic episodes. My bipolar episodes was rather mild compared to lots of other survivors. Most suffers from instant change and extreme. which continue to exhausts them. If you think that you have mental illness journey that you want to share, do surf and share them at http://relate.com.my/participate/your-voice/ "I used to feel ashamed of my mental health condition, but now I refuse to let stigma and stereotypes dictate how I feel about myself. If you stigmatize me, that's your ignorance, not my truth." Rachel Griffin

The first time I met the doctor, more than a month ago, the doctor ask significant questions to me. I think I have depression. Since when? - Last year. Why do you only seek for help now? - Because I think it would go away. It never leaves, since. What about your sleeping pattern? - Very bad, I hardly fall asleep at night. How about your mood? - Bad in the morning. Easily annoyed. Get angr real quick. Let's go back to your sleeping pattern. How many hours do you sleep? - 4-5 hours. At what time did you go to bed? - 10 pm. What time did you fall asleep? - 2 - 3 am. Do you wake up in the mid of sleeping? - Yeah. Do you have episodes where you are extremely happy and extremely sad? - Most of the time. How you doing at work? - OK. And few series of question was continuously asking about my daily mood. It goes back to my depressive episode, anger fit and everything that has been haunting me. Last year was the peak of everything and soon that I realised I nee...