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Showing posts from March, 2017

My Bipolar Diary V: My Ups and Downs (Part 2)


Previously I talk about my ups (overly excited and joyful, bright side of me) but we haven't got into what monster I can be during my downs (depressive, dull and empty episodes).

Source: About Bipolar Depression
Bipolar depression has the same “low” symptoms as depression:

Prolonged sadness, depressed mood, or unexplained crying spellsNo interest in activities you once enjoyedLoss of energyDifficulties with sleep—either sleeping too much or not at allChanges in appetite—significant weight gain or weight lossDifficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisionsThoughts of death or suicide In my lows, I had to spend more time, which usually last around one or two weeks. I sleep a lot and those are the thing that affect me the most. 
Suicidal thoughts? Most of the time. It's the emptiness of the feeling that kills me slowly. I don't want to feel empty and sad and misery, and most of the time I lay in bed blinking and hoping I will feel happy or dead, there's no i…

Poem: Blackhole

As I stare emptily to the ceiling above me as my feeling won't set free and stay still I'll be
Why does this black hole come again Bring all together the pain as I cried in the rain just to keep myself sane
I can't possibly be crazy when I have never be But why won't this feelings let me go They stuck to me like piece of Lego
On depressed days - I write things like this to remind my manic phase that it will come again to me, slowly like a creepy stalker. It will never go, but I shall thrive and survive again from this "black hole".

My Bipolar Diary V: My Ups and Downs (Part 1)

This could be the most relatable comics about my blogpost today!
Diagnosed with bipolar disorder had made me learn about my body and my mood and how I react a lot. I realised that my racing thoughts, sleepless night are something and not just part of the things I had to face at school and and at work.
Having it means - having hypomania: happy, euphoric, with a sense of wellbeinglots of energysociableracing thoughtscreative and full of ideas and planslike you can perform tasks better and more quickly than normalimpatient, irritable or angryconfident, with high self-esteemattractive, flirtatious and/or with more sexual desirerestless, on edge and having difficulty relaxingheightened senses – colours may seem brighter, sounds louder and things more beautiful
How I reacted during hypomania:

more active than usualtaking risksvery friendlyvery talkative or writing a lotsleeping very littlesigning up for and taking part in lots of activitiestaking on extra responsibilitieswearing colourful and…


is like a ceiling without chandelier
Room full of liar
and coated with sugar

This feeling
that has been vibing
emotion raging
pulse racing
but mind-blowing

I can't put things into words
For better or for worse
And nothing that I can buzz
For smoking or fuss