Sunday, March 19

Poem: Blackhole

As I stare emptily
to the ceiling above me
as my feeling won't set free
and stay still I'll be

Why does this black hole come again
Bring all together the pain
as I cried in the rain
just to keep myself sane

I can't possibly be crazy
when I have never be
But why won't this feelings let me go
They stuck to me like piece of Lego

On depressed days - I write things like this to remind my manic phase that it will come again to me, slowly like a creepy stalker. It will never go, but I shall thrive and survive again from this "black hole".

Sunday, March 12

My Bipolar Diary V: My Ups and Downs (Part 1)


This could be the most relatable comics about my blogpost today!

Diagnosed with bipolar disorder had made me learn about my body and my mood and how I react a lot. I realised that my racing thoughts, sleepless night are something and not just part of the things I had to face at school and and at work.

Having it means - having hypomania:
  • happy, euphoric, with a sense of wellbeing
  • lots of energy
  • sociable
  • racing thoughts
  • creative and full of ideas and plans
  • like you can perform tasks better and more quickly than normal
  • impatient, irritable or angry
  • confident, with high self-esteem
  • attractive, flirtatious and/or with more sexual desire
  • restless, on edge and having difficulty relaxing
  • heightened senses – colours may seem brighter, sounds louder and things more beautiful

How I reacted during hypomania:

  • more active than usual
  • taking risks
  • very friendly
  • very talkative or writing a lot
  • sleeping very little
  • signing up for and taking part in lots of activities
  • taking on extra responsibilities
  • wearing colourful and/or extravagant clothes
  • making lots of jokes and puns
  • finding it hard to stay still - moving around a lot or fidgeting


This phase can last a week or two, but as soon as it finished I can be really tired. I will be in a black hole named depression and these period feels like forever. Having bipolar disorder, for me, means I had to go to certain extremes at time and I can never look back.

Anyone else having hypomania or mania? Share in the comments!

Sunday, March 5

Empty

Empty
is like a ceiling without chandelier
Room full of liar
and coated with sugar

This feeling
that has been vibing
emotion raging
pulse racing
but mind-blowing

I can't put things into words
For better or for worse
And nothing that I can buzz
For smoking or fuss

Sunday, February 26

My Bipolar Diary IV: I'm Not Crazy!

Hey everyone!

I had make it a habit to update about my bipolar experience for my own pleasure, also for people to start knowing more about bipolar disorder.


This is an important quote that I hold strong.


It is important to destigmatise bipolar disorder. We often expect people with bipolar disorder to throw tanthrum all the time, upset and sad, but chatty and talk a lot during their manic episodes.

My bipolar episodes was rather mild compared to lots of other survivors. Most suffers from instant change and extreme. which continue to exhausts them.

If you think that you have mental illness journey that you want to share, do surf and share them at
http://relate.com.my/participate/your-voice/



"I used to feel ashamed of my mental health condition, but now I refuse to let stigma and stereotypes dictate how I feel about myself. If you stigmatize me, that's your ignorance, not my truth."

Rachel Griffin

Sunday, February 19

My Bipolar Diary III: How Do You Know that You are Depressed?

The first time I met the doctor, more than a month ago, the doctor ask significant questions to me.

I think I have depression.


Since when? - Last year.

Why do you only seek for help now? - Because I think it would go away. It never leaves, since.

What about your sleeping pattern? - Very bad, I hardly fall asleep at night.

How about your mood? - Bad in the morning. Easily annoyed. Get angr real quick.

Let's go back to your sleeping pattern. How many hours do you sleep? - 4-5 hours.

At what time did you go to bed? - 10 pm.

What time did you fall asleep? - 2 - 3 am.

Do you wake up in the mid of sleeping? - Yeah.

Do you have episodes where you are extremely happy and extremely sad? - Most of the time.

How you doing at work? - OK.

And few series of question was continuously asking about my daily mood.

It goes back to my depressive episode, anger fit and everything that has been haunting me. Last year was the peak of everything and soon that I realised I need help.

I was thankful and privileged enough to be diagnosed and prescribed with medicines that help me cope with my mental illness.

I'm sharing about mental health so that more people would come forward and know that you are not alone in facing the down turn of your life.