We had a conversation in the car.
About mental health in workplace.
It was a very sensitive topic to me since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Having bipolar means the depression is worst. The period is longer. Then BAMMMMMM mood swings, anger, eating disorder, grieve, anxiety came along.
But we were talking about it because I was a high-functioning person with bipolar disorder. I didn't get medication for more than two months now, and believe me, everyday that pass by is just me throwing my body to the wall and breaks like a piece of ceramic and pick myself back again with bare hands. It's hard.
I didn't get medication, I didn't get counselling, I didn't get psychotheraphy. I was struggling to do self-care, I was struggling to sleep or wake up. It was a battle everyday, and to think about it, I just started a career. I was marching in a battleground every morning.
Mental health in workplace has been recently a raised topic in Malaysia, since there is statistics showing employees having suicidal tendencies because of their job. But I would call them as burnout and I know I needed a break. But what if I don't realise that I need a break?
My body will tell me.
I know I needed a break when I can't gt out of bed. I know I needed a break when I don't eat properly. I know I'm being mean to everyone when I needed a break. I want to shut down the world and go missing for days, hours, but I'm lucky I have boyfriend, friends and family who consistently looks out for me and my symptoms.
He told me;
A person's brain is like an electric rice cooker. If they are functioning, they will cook the rice nicely. Too much water, they will be porridge. Too little water, they will be hard rice. But they are still food, and we can still consume them. Depends on how we take it, anyway.
But if the cooker is broken, there's nothing we can do about it. Uncooked rice, stale rice, ruined rice. It wasn't safe to be consumed. That's when we need to fix it. Replace it.
A person's worth was never counted by how they performed, and what they produced. But themselves. They need to know and love themselves. They need to realise that self-care is the most important thing, and knowing when to step back.
I believe in myself so far, and I will walk as long as I can.