Herinza Syadza

My usual weekend involves me reading feminist blog and update myself on gender movement in my country until I was hit with the question Why everything you do has to be linked with gender? Why can't you be neutral? Ask me how can I be neutral when women in this country are policed with what they wear? Women who doesn't wear hijab are threatened? Translation: This morning I try to burn a girl's hair at a train station.  She was scared as hell. I told her, this is only fire from lighter,  not even close to Hell Fire. The curator mentioned at this tweet was satirical; but if a person things setting up someone on fire is satirical, I guess making women living feeling threatened is a good thing to do? I don't think so. Women in my country face a lot of threat everyday - for not doing something men requires them to wear. Muslim women who doesn't wear hijab face comparison with unwrapped food and seen as an object that doesn't covered up. ...

I have talked about how my I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder few weeks back #ICYMI Let's talk about my prescription. I basically take Epilim twice a day, three tablets at once. Credit here Epilim is also called Sodium Valproate. According to NPSMedicine Wise, Epilim is a medicine used to for the treatment of epilepsy in adults and children. Epilepsy is a condition where you have repeated seizures (fits). There are many different types of seizures, ranging from mild to severe.  Epilim belongs to a group of medicines called anticonvulsants. These medicines are thought to work by controlling brain chemicals which send signals to nerves so that seizures do not happen.  Epilim may also be used to control mania, a mental condition with episodes of overactivity, elation or irritability. I usually get anger fit when I'm annoyed or irritated which involves me screaming and crying at the same time. This scares me too, I know you probably freaked ...

Have you ever listened to a song and it reminds you of someone? Me as fuck! I was at my favourite mamak spot this morning, happily having my lunch despite the long day I will have today. They played old Bollywood song, KISHORE KUMAR - ZINDAGI EK SAFAR HAI SUHANA! I instantly reminded of my late grandfather who left us and meet God three years ago, may his soul be blessed! I realised that I grew up loving old English and Bollywood songs so much because that's how he brought me up. I guess every 60 - 70s song are the most relatable of us and of him because the memories never fade. Gone but never forgotten. I miss him so much, and I wish he was with me through this journey. Rest in peace, tok.

A week before I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder – I struggle to sleep at night. I guess I’m so used with having lack of sleep at night. Result from it, I barely wake up early in the morning. It impacted my working hour, where I’m most productive is after lunch. Morning time? Moody to the max. I decided to apply for leave for one day, Friday. I knew I was battling depression since last year. But I decided to keep it with me, thinking that time will cure. If anyone tell you time will cure your mental illness, they are lying. I knew getting treatment for mental health is a privilege. But now that I have a job and I can afford meds and treatment, I took a step forward with it. A week before I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder – I threw an anger fit in the car because my boyfriend make a joke. I can’t remember what joke is it about, but I was so angry, I was hitting myself, I’m shouting and crying. Anger fit usually last a day inside my body. Hence, after throwing anger fit I feel...

This gathering - is a fest is a meeting is a confession of broken hearts of broken promises of massive mistrusts of people who have been silenced This gathering - is a tribute is a progress is a protest of people who deserve better of people who had enough of people who fed up This gathering isn't just a gathering It is faith It is belief To democracy we have put our compass on Towards New Malaysia we put our destination on

Of morning coffee - I can't wake up less cranky Or feeling very edgy Like a branch that breaks from a tree Of coffee dusts - that pour into the mug this feeling sucks man you know I would rather laugh Of stale bread My lips frown and sad My shoulders wanted a pat "Hey! You're doing okay mate?" I just want to feel lively again I just want to feel my brain Working without pain and just without strain - hereenza